what does everything mean to me?

these days I 've been thinking about what do I want for my life or is it the thing that I want?
all these problems are keep on disturbing me these days. I found that I always have these kinds of problems. During the school life I always thought about that why should I made myself busy and what are all those things meant to me...?? and these days I was thinking that I love the life in Japan and I wish to stay here longer so I decide to apply for the graduate school here, but is this the best decision for me? I cannot tell... what about my dreams? this decision is nothing to do with my dreams but just to fit my feelings right now. I think when people is getting older and older the passion and courages are getting weaker and weaker at the same time...why can't I make up mu mind and leave for another new place? It is just because that I don't want to get into a new enviroment right now...that's it. so I chose to stay here and stay with all my old friends and so on. I tell myself that I will finish all my dreams before the age of 30 and now is just my break time. after I took a long break I think I will get ready for new challenges.